My rejection experiment that can be your breakthrough
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Before anyone had heard of Hogwarts, J.K. Rowling's first Harry Potter book was rejected by 12 publishers.
Common knowledge! But rejections can last even longer. Mine stretched thirty-seven ‘NOs’ while fundraising, before I put an end to my misery by embracing it rather than resisting it. For the next ten days, I sought rejection deliberately, not as therapy, not as performance, but as data. Why? Because by then I had learnt that rejection is not a personal failure but an opportunity to join the missing dots. By Day 10, I had been rejected by VCs, strangers, a Bollywood actress, a close friend, and even a Michelin-star chef.
What I learned changed how I build, lead, and live.
Ten rejections later, I stopped chasing approval and started collecting intelligence. Fear didn’t vanish; it just lost authority. Action dissolved anxiety. Failure revealed data. Detachment built speed.
The Rejection Experiment
I wasn’t looking for the discomfort of rejection for its own sake. I wanted to understand it because I had realised that if rejection was inevitable, maybe mastery wasn’t about avoidance, but repetition. So I repeated it 10 times in 10 days, chasing a ‘NO’. Ten micro-failures of ego. Each one a data point in learning how to turn ‘NO’ into neutrality.
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Rejection 1: The Coffee ShopI walked up to a woman reading alone at Subko and asked if she wanted to grab coffee. We were already in a coffee shop. She smiled. “I’m actually waiting for someone.” Thirty minutes later, I was laughing at my own awkwardness.Insight: Embarrassment peaks fast and fades faster. The moment always hurts less than the memory of it.
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Rejection 2: The Rickshaw DriversThree Bandra drivers refused to take me to Pali Hill. One didn’t even look up from his phone.
Insight: When the ‘NO’ is impersonal, the ego stays silent. Hurt only scales with proximity to identity.
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Rejection 3: The VCPitched a leading investor on well-being as a SaaS platform. He said, “Low TAM. In India, health is a luxury. Maybe it works as a personal brand, not a company.” It stung because he wasn’t wrong.
Insight: Some rejections are free consulting. Don’t defend; decode.
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Rejection 4: The Bollywood ActressI sent a direct message (DM) to a Bollywood actress after hearing her speak about meditation and performance. I invited her to dinner (not a date), a conversation about focus, recovery, and creative discipline. She declined politely but replied thoughtfully. That one ‘NO’ made me grin. Because the real win wasn’t the dinner, it was the audacity of the ask.
Insight: Rejection doesn’t measure worth; it measures reach. If you’re not being told ‘NO’ by people out of your league, you’re still playing small.
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Rejection 5: The Podcast PitchCold-emailed the Huberman Lab team about exploring founder physiology. ‘NO’ reply. Checked my inbox six times before realising: this was rejection in slow motion.
Insight: Ambiguity costs more than hurt. Closure, positive or negative, is efficiency.
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Rejection 6: The Fitness CampaignApplied for a fitness brand shoot. Response: “Not the look we’re going for.” Founders hear the same line in different words: “Not our thesis.” motion.
Insight: Models get stronger through repetition; founders should too. Rejection volume builds perspective.
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Rejection 7: The ₹100 AskStopped a stranger on Carter Road. “Can I borrow ₹100? It’s for an experiment.” He said, “No bro,” and walked away. I smiled, logged the data.Insight: Micro-rejections build macro-resilience. Normalise small losses to disarm larger ones.
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Rejection 8: The Book DealI spent six months crafting a book proposal. Pitched it to a top publishing house. The reply came three weeks later: "Love the idea, but it feels too niche for the market right now." The hard work I'd poured myself into was dismissed in a single line. Then I realised: this was the same game as fundraising. Different product, same psychology
Insight: Not all rejection is about merit. Sometimes it's just timing. But here's what separates the ones who quit from the ones who compound: they keep building before permission arrives.
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Rejection 9: The Collaboration AskReached out on Instagram to a global wellness founder for a joint video on recovery and mental performance. Reply: “Love your work. Not the right time.”
Insight: The tone of rejection dictates its weight. A thoughtful ‘NO’ feels like alignment, not defeat.
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Rejection 10: The Athlete ShadowAsked a professional athlete if I could mirror his morning routine for a week, training, diet, cold plunges, everything. He said, “You’ll last two days.”
Insight: Boldness rarely gets rewarded immediately, but it always expands your range. People respect the swing.
Rejection 1: The Coffee ShopI walked up to a woman reading alone at Subko and asked if she wanted to grab coffee. We were already in a coffee shop. She smiled. “I’m actually waiting for someone.” Thirty minutes later, I was laughing at my own awkwardness.Insight: Embarrassment peaks fast and fades faster. The moment always hurts less than the memory of it.
Rejection 2: The Rickshaw DriversThree Bandra drivers refused to take me to Pali Hill. One didn’t even look up from his phone.
Insight: When the ‘NO’ is impersonal, the ego stays silent. Hurt only scales with proximity to identity.
Rejection 3: The VCPitched a leading investor on well-being as a SaaS platform. He said, “Low TAM. In India, health is a luxury. Maybe it works as a personal brand, not a company.” It stung because he wasn’t wrong.
Insight: Some rejections are free consulting. Don’t defend; decode.
Rejection 4: The Bollywood ActressI sent a direct message (DM) to a Bollywood actress after hearing her speak about meditation and performance. I invited her to dinner (not a date), a conversation about focus, recovery, and creative discipline. She declined politely but replied thoughtfully. That one ‘NO’ made me grin. Because the real win wasn’t the dinner, it was the audacity of the ask.
Insight: Rejection doesn’t measure worth; it measures reach. If you’re not being told ‘NO’ by people out of your league, you’re still playing small.
Rejection 5: The Podcast PitchCold-emailed the Huberman Lab team about exploring founder physiology. ‘NO’ reply. Checked my inbox six times before realising: this was rejection in slow motion.
Insight: Ambiguity costs more than hurt. Closure, positive or negative, is efficiency.
Rejection 6: The Fitness CampaignApplied for a fitness brand shoot. Response: “Not the look we’re going for.” Founders hear the same line in different words: “Not our thesis.” motion.
Insight: Models get stronger through repetition; founders should too. Rejection volume builds perspective.
Rejection 7: The ₹100 AskStopped a stranger on Carter Road. “Can I borrow ₹100? It’s for an experiment.” He said, “No bro,” and walked away. I smiled, logged the data.Insight: Micro-rejections build macro-resilience. Normalise small losses to disarm larger ones.
Rejection 8: The Book DealI spent six months crafting a book proposal. Pitched it to a top publishing house. The reply came three weeks later: "Love the idea, but it feels too niche for the market right now." The hard work I'd poured myself into was dismissed in a single line. Then I realised: this was the same game as fundraising. Different product, same psychology
Insight: Not all rejection is about merit. Sometimes it's just timing. But here's what separates the ones who quit from the ones who compound: they keep building before permission arrives.
Rejection 9: The Collaboration AskReached out on Instagram to a global wellness founder for a joint video on recovery and mental performance. Reply: “Love your work. Not the right time.”
Insight: The tone of rejection dictates its weight. A thoughtful ‘NO’ feels like alignment, not defeat.
Rejection 10: The Athlete ShadowAsked a professional athlete if I could mirror his morning routine for a week, training, diet, cold plunges, everything. He said, “You’ll last two days.”
Insight: Boldness rarely gets rewarded immediately, but it always expands your range. People respect the swing.
Rejection 1: The Coffee ShopI walked up to a woman reading alone at Subko and asked if she wanted to grab coffee. We were already in a coffee shop. She smiled. “I’m actually waiting for someone.” Thirty minutes later, I was laughing at my own awkwardness.Insight: Embarrassment peaks fast and fades faster. The moment always hurts less than the memory of it.
Rejection 2: The Rickshaw DriversThree Bandra drivers refused to take me to Pali Hill. One didn’t even look up from his phone.
Insight: When the ‘NO’ is impersonal, the ego stays silent. Hurt only scales with proximity to identity.
Rejection 3: The VCPitched a leading investor on well-being as a SaaS platform. He said, “Low TAM. In India, health is a luxury. Maybe it works as a personal brand, not a company.” It stung because he wasn’t wrong.
Insight: Some rejections are free consulting. Don’t defend; decode.
Rejection 4: The Bollywood ActressI sent a direct message (DM) to a Bollywood actress after hearing her speak about meditation and performance. I invited her to dinner (not a date), a conversation about focus, recovery, and creative discipline. She declined politely but replied thoughtfully. That one ‘NO’ made me grin. Because the real win wasn’t the dinner, it was the audacity of the ask.
Insight: Rejection doesn’t measure worth; it measures reach. If you’re not being told ‘NO’ by people out of your league, you’re still playing small.
Rejection 5: The Podcast PitchCold-emailed the Huberman Lab team about exploring founder physiology. ‘NO’ reply. Checked my inbox six times before realising: this was rejection in slow motion.
Insight: Ambiguity costs more than hurt. Closure, positive or negative, is efficiency.
Rejection 6: The Fitness CampaignApplied for a fitness brand shoot. Response: “Not the look we’re going for.” Founders hear the same line in different words: “Not our thesis.” motion.
Insight: Models get stronger through repetition; founders should too. Rejection volume builds perspective.
Rejection 7: The ₹100 AskStopped a stranger on Carter Road. “Can I borrow ₹100? It’s for an experiment.” He said, “No bro,” and walked away. I smiled, logged the data.Insight: Micro-rejections build macro-resilience. Normalise small losses to disarm larger ones.
Rejection 8: The Book DealI spent six months crafting a book proposal. Pitched it to a top publishing house. The reply came three weeks later: "Love the idea, but it feels too niche for the market right now." The hard work I'd poured myself into was dismissed in a single line. Then I realised: this was the same game as fundraising. Different product, same psychology
Insight: Not all rejection is about merit. Sometimes it's just timing. But here's what separates the ones who quit from the ones who compound: they keep building before permission arrives.
Rejection 9: The Collaboration AskReached out on Instagram to a global wellness founder for a joint video on recovery and mental performance. Reply: “Love your work. Not the right time.”
Insight: The tone of rejection dictates its weight. A thoughtful ‘NO’ feels like alignment, not defeat.
Rejection 10: The Athlete ShadowAsked a professional athlete if I could mirror his morning routine for a week, training, diet, cold plunges, everything. He said, “You’ll last two days.”
Insight: Boldness rarely gets rewarded immediately, but it always expands your range. People respect the swing.
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After ten days and ten different types of rejection, I reverse-engineered the hurt it caused. Rejection follows a formula. Brutal, but predictable:
Hurt = 2.5 Loss Aversion × Identity Proximity × Status Dynamic × Public Visibility × Rumination Time
Let me break it down.
1. Loss Aversion (2.5×): You Can't Change This
Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman discovered one of the most sobering truths about human nature:
Losses hurt about 2.5 times more than equivalent gains feel good.
A rejection stings more than an acceptance satisfies. You can't override this. It's hardwired into your nervous system. But you can train the other variables that multiply the base pain.
2. Identity Proximity: How Personal Is It?
A stranger declines your dinner invitation. 1×. Annoying, but forgettable.
Someone says your article isn't interesting. 2×. That stings.
An investor passes on your life's work. The company you've bled to build. 5×. That devastates.
The closer rejection gets to your identity, the more it hurts.
For founders, your startup is you. It's your vision, your judgment, your worth compressed into a pitch deck. When they say no to your company, your brain translates it as: "They're saying no to me."
What changed during the experimentBy Day 10, I'd practised separating the work from the self. The VC didn't reject me. He rejected a pitch at a specific stage through his particular thesis lens. The actress didn't reject me. She ignored a DM from a stranger. The modelling gig didn't reject me. They wanted a different aesthetic.
The skill: Learning to say "That wasn't about me" faster than your ego can spiral.
A random rickshaw driver declines your ride. 1×. You don't care.
A respected VC passes on your round. 3×. That cuts deep.
The more you respect or need the person, the deeper their rejection hurts.
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Founders are always pitching "up" to people with more power, more capital, more status. Every investor rejection carries that 3× multiplier because you're being judged by someone whose approval you crave. Evolution wired this too. In tribes, rejection by an elder or alpha carried a higher survival risk. Today, rejection from someone powerful still triggers that ancestral alarm: "I've been judged and found unworthy."
What changed during the experiment:The actress DM hurt less than the friend's critique, because I don't know her. Status only amplifies hurt when there's relational equity. Strangers can't wound you the way people you respect can.
4. Public Visibility: Who's Watching?
Private email rejection. 1×. Just you and them.
Rejection after a mutual intro. 2×. Now someone else knows.
Demo Day pass in front of 200 people. 3×. Everyone saw.
Shame evolved as a social deterrent. It kept us cooperative within tribes. Public rejection activates ancient circuits designed to keep you in line. The more people watching when you fail, the more cortisol floods your system, the deeper the humiliation burns.
What changed during the experiment:The "seen-zoned" DM felt less painful than expected because even though it was visible to me, there was no audience. The ₹100 ask felt worse because strangers on the street witnessed it.
5. Rumination Time: The only variable you fully control
Process rejection in 30 minutes. 0.5×.
Replay it for three days. 3×.
Obsess for weeks. 5×.
This is the only multiplier you control.
You can't change loss aversion because it’s biology. You can't always control who says no, or how public it is. But you can train how long you suffer.
What changed during the experiment:
What changed during the experiment:I stopped replaying the "what if" loop. I started asking different questions.
After ten days and ten different types of rejection, I reverse-engineered the hurt it caused. Rejection follows a formula. Brutal, but predictable:
Hurt = 2.5 Loss Aversion × Identity Proximity × Status Dynamic × Public Visibility × Rumination Time
Let me break it down.
1. Loss Aversion (2.5×): You Can't Change This
Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman discovered one of the most sobering truths about human nature:
Losses hurt about 2.5 times more than equivalent gains feel good.
A rejection stings more than an acceptance satisfies. You can't override this. It's hardwired into your nervous system. But you can train the other variables that multiply the base pain.
2. Identity Proximity: How Personal Is It?
A stranger declines your dinner invitation. 1×. Annoying, but forgettable.
Someone says your article isn't interesting. 2×. That stings.
An investor passes on your life's work. The company you've bled to build. 5×. That devastates.
The closer rejection gets to your identity, the more it hurts.
The closer rejection gets to your identity, the more it hurts.
For founders, your startup is you. It's your vision, your judgment, your worth compressed into a pitch deck. When they say no to your company, your brain translates it as: "They're saying no to me."
What changed during the experimentBy Day 10, I'd practised separating the work from the self. The VC didn't reject me. He rejected a pitch at a specific stage through his particular thesis lens. The actress didn't reject me. She ignored a DM from a stranger. The modelling gig didn't reject me. They wanted a different aesthetic.
The skill: Learning to say "That wasn't about me" faster than your ego can spiral.
A random rickshaw driver declines your ride. 1×. You don't care.
A respected VC passes on your round. 3×. That cuts deep.
The more you respect or need the person, the deeper their rejection hurts.
Founders are always pitching "up" to people with more power, more capital, more status. Every investor rejection carries that 3× multiplier because you're being judged by someone whose approval you crave. Evolution wired this too. In tribes, rejection by an elder or alpha carried a higher survival risk. Today, rejection from someone powerful still triggers that ancestral alarm: "I've been judged and found unworthy."
What changed during the experiment:The actress DM hurt less than the friend's critique, because I don't know her. Status only amplifies hurt when there's relational equity. Strangers can't wound you the way people you respect can.
Insight: Rejections from people you respect hurt more, but also contain more useful truth.
4. Public Visibility: Who's Watching?
Private email rejection. 1×. Just you and them.
Rejection after a mutual intro. 2×. Now someone else knows.
Demo Day pass in front of 200 people. 3×. Everyone saw.
Shame evolved as a social deterrent. It kept us cooperative within tribes. Public rejection activates ancient circuits designed to keep you in line. The more people watching when you fail, the more cortisol floods your system, the deeper the humiliation burns.
What changed during the experiment:The "seen-zoned" DM felt less painful than expected because even though it was visible to me, there was no audience. The ₹100 ask felt worse because strangers on the street witnessed it.
The pattern: Fewer witnesses = less shame. If you must take big swings, practice them privately first.
5. Rumination Time: The only variable you fully control
Process rejection in 30 minutes. 0.5×.
Replay it for three days. 3×.
Obsess for weeks. 5×.
This is the only multiplier you control.
You can't change loss aversion because it’s biology. You can't always control who says no, or how public it is. But you can train how long you suffer.
What changed during the experiment:
What changed during the experiment:I stopped replaying the "what if" loop. I started asking different questions.
1. Loss Aversion (2.5×): You Can't Change This
Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman discovered one of the most sobering truths about human nature:
Losses hurt about 2.5 times more than equivalent gains feel good.
A rejection stings more than an acceptance satisfies. You can't override this. It's hardwired into your nervous system. But you can train the other variables that multiply the base pain.
2. Identity Proximity: How Personal Is It?
A stranger declines your dinner invitation. 1×. Annoying, but forgettable.
Someone says your article isn't interesting. 2×. That stings.
An investor passes on your life's work. The company you've bled to build. 5×. That devastates.
The closer rejection gets to your identity, the more it hurts.
For founders, your startup is you. It's your vision, your judgment, your worth compressed into a pitch deck. When they say no to your company, your brain translates it as: "They're saying no to me."
What changed during the experimentBy Day 10, I'd practised separating the work from the self. The VC didn't reject me. He rejected a pitch at a specific stage through his particular thesis lens. The actress didn't reject me. She ignored a DM from a stranger. The modelling gig didn't reject me. They wanted a different aesthetic.
The skill: Learning to say "That wasn't about me" faster than your ego can spiral.
A random rickshaw driver declines your ride. 1×. You don't care.
A respected VC passes on your round. 3×. That cuts deep.
The more you respect or need the person, the deeper their rejection hurts.
Founders are always pitching "up" to people with more power, more capital, more status. Every investor rejection carries that 3× multiplier because you're being judged by someone whose approval you crave. Evolution wired this too. In tribes, rejection by an elder or alpha carried a higher survival risk. Today, rejection from someone powerful still triggers that ancestral alarm: "I've been judged and found unworthy."
What changed during the experiment:The actress DM hurt less than the friend's critique, because I don't know her. Status only amplifies hurt when there's relational equity. Strangers can't wound you the way people you respect can.
Insight: Rejections from people you respect hurt more, but also contain more useful truth.
After ten days and ten different types of rejection, I reverse-engineered the hurt it caused. Rejection follows a formula. Brutal, but predictable:
Hurt = 2.5 Loss Aversion × Identity Proximity × Status Dynamic × Public Visibility × Rumination Time
Let me break it down.
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